What do I mean? I surely don't know!

I have felt very strange lately. I feel as if something very big is about to happen. Lately I have been feeling... emotions. While at work I see cute little girls run around the movie theater like little angels and I feel emotions. I watch a SPECTACULAR film and afterwards am speechless, and I feel emotions. I want something. I'm not even sure what it is, but I want it with everything that I am.

Is it childish to want to grow up and marry a princess? A beautiful and wild princess with an untamed and indomitable spirit? I want that anyway.

Is it selfish to want to do something big and important with my life? To do something that will make people see me as a man who matters? A man who is somebody? I want that too.

Is is wrong to want to love and be loved by everyone I meet? To be bound to comrades in a common sense of trial and accomplishment? I want that.

Yesterday I wrote. When I was asked a simple question many times answered, I did not write the answer. I wrote how I felt. The poor person on the other side of the chat most likely gained nothing from the seemingly unending ramblings of the mind of Caleb. Not so on my end. There is something big coming, and I'm not going to be ready.

When will my princess come? Would she notice me if she came soon? I hope so.

When will I be given an extra-ordinary task to accomplish? Will I be found wanting when it does come? I hope not.

I feel. I like it... and I don't.

I'm still a guy

I never thought out of all the people in the world I would be the one saying "there's a country song about that!" but in this case I just can't help it. As you may or may not know, I go country swing dancing once a week, so I hear my fair share of country music, and Brad Paisley's got a winner here. If you haven't heard his song, I'm still a guy, it's definitely worth a listen hear...
The reason I bring up this particular song, is because I've found that guys now days are pretty pathetic. The traditional roles in relationships are being reversed, so the guys are now the emotional, fragile, and lonley half of the relationship. Now before you get your panties in a wad, ladies, I mean no disrespect by this comment. I merely wish to convey the traditional views and to point out the inherent differences between men and women. The problem with this line of thought though, is that the world is changing. It is becoming harder and harder to define the female race as the emotional one, because men have somehow managed to emasculate themselves.
Now, why do I bring this up? How does it effect me? Directly, it really doesn't. But it's EMBARRASSING!!!! Men, acting like women! That's just not right... I don't anticipate that women will stop liking manly men, but it could happen. Then what will I do?
So to all those men out there who let the women wear the pants: Grow a pair! Quit being such a pantywaist, embrace the testosterone running through your veins and be a man!

Never good enough...

No, I'm not talking about girls, I'm actually talking about myself (I know, that's hard to believe...). I just finished taking a PT test for ROTC which consists of how many pushups you can do in 2 min, situps in 2 min, and a 2 mile run. now, I do ok, I finished my 2 mile run in 2nd place and managed to get 65 pushups and 66 situps, but for some reason, for me that's just not good enough. I never thought of myself as a perfectionist, and for most things I'm not. Take schoolwork for instance, I could car less about alot of it, I'll write a paper in red crayon if I have to. Other areas of my life however I have found that I am quite obsessive about getting everything done right. Working out is one of those areas, no matter what I do, I always want to do better. Sure I ran 2 miles in 14:32, a personal best for me, but I'm still not happy with that. It's too bad really, that I can't be happy with mediocrity... So despite my reasonably good score on my PT test I am currently formulating ways to improve my score and get in better shape. So until I stop feeling like this:
and start feeling more like this:
I plan on pretty much killing myself to get in shape. My own personal goal is to become my own version of leonidis. "Never retreat, never surrender"

Getting old...

I just know that I'm going to be rebuked by everyone over the age of 25 for this post, but since speaking my mind is one of my horribly annoying skills, here it goes. I used to make fun of all my older siblings when they would tell me not to call past 9, because that was when they went beddie bye, but I find myself now turning in earlier and earlier. My standing self imposed curfew this semester has been 10:30. Now while that might not sound incredibly early for some of you fogies, it sounds early to me: a spry young college student running amuck amidst the plethora of college activities and fun seeking peers...
As if going to bed early wasn't bad enough, I have somehow managed to commit social suicide and ceased to function outside of school, work and homework. I still manage to find a few minutes here and there to veg in front of the TV now and then, the key word being 'veg' (veg: to assume a posture where no muscles are utilized and the brain enters a vegetative state.). I recently talked to a former friend who has also commited social suicide, her removal from the social pool is due to her aquirement of a semi-posessive boy toy who now occupies ALL her time. Although she has severed all former social connections, she, at least has a significant other to spend her anti-social time with. I, on the other hand have seen fit to fill my social sobatical with copious amounts of work. I have no witness to my madness, just a variety of textbooks and a never ending list of assignments formulated to waste my time while teaching me absolutely nothing. Isn't school great?
Now I did point out that this was all self imposed, and I will admit to that, but really how much of a choice do I really have? I spend all my active brain power on improving my grades yet still manage to secure 3 C's. Is this because I'm not really as smart as I think I am? Probably. Or it could have something to do with all the asinine assignments systematically designed to drive me out of my mind.
I no longer have any fun, I find it harder and harder to find energy to actually get out and do stuff and I have commited social suicide. If those aren't signs of getting old I don't know what is. I turn 26 in a month and a half. It's not so much the number that bothers me, but the knowledge that the older I get, the more responsibility I get and the less energy and time I'll have to accomplish it all.
As I write this, I am watching the clock get closer and closer to 10:30 and I know that if I don't finish up quick, I'm going to regret it tomorow morning at 5:30 when I get up. Maybe one of these days I'll try and get my life back, but I suppose it'll have to wait till I get out of this hellish nightmare called college. In the meantime I guess I just have to sacrifice my youth and sanity for a few good grades and the hope of a future career in my chosen field. Getting old sucks.

...Close your eyes and sleep my child...

I, after many failures, finally managed to get to bed on time last night. This is no easy task to be sure; However I feel so much better and more productive that it may just be worth it. I hereby proclaim that 12:00 midnight will be my new bedtime on the weekdays, Saturday, and Sunday (basically everyday except Friday. Which then begs the question, "does that mean I don't have to go to bed on time on Thursdays too?" I have no classes on Friday, thus upgrading my Thursday into a Friday, and my Friday into a Saturday, gifting me with 2 blessed Saturdays). If that is the case then Maybe I shouldn't have to go to bed on time on Sunday or Tuesday either since I don't have classes those days until 1700 hours. I know, I know. I'm really trying to get a job. I now have 10 applications in and will call every last one of them tomorrow to demand to know why on earth they haven't hired me yet. In the mean time though, I am up to level 41 on Call of Duty and recently played some of my best games receiving scores such as: 23/7 (kills/deaths), 22/12, and 18/10*. Maybe I could put some of those on my resume, just to show them that I mean business. So, in summary: I will go to bed on time every single day, except Tuesday, Thursday (my Friday), Friday (my first Saturday) and Sunday. I feel so much better about myself now.
Speaking of Myself... I am now in the market for a new pair of spectacles. I have gone for quite a while with only contacts and find myself wearing them to bed more often than not. This causes my eyes to be quite dry in the mornings and I can't imagine it is good for them either. So the decision was made to purchase some glasses to wear while I'm just Chillaxin in the mornings and Evenings, and also on Tuesday, My Friday, My first Saturday, and Sunday. I prognosticate that this will greatly increase the overall happiness of my eyeballs. Maybe even allowing me to get such scores as 30/5, or 22/2. *sigh* oh college... what a horrible and unhealthy existence.

*Only the first mentioned score is confirmed- other scores are not exact numbers and in fact may or may not be complete lies...

Geek Factor=Happy Factor

Unlike Rider #1, I feel happiness comes from your geek factor. Perhaps the term geek factor is a little vague; let me clarify.

Tuesday night; I am sitting on the couch watching Dancing with the Stars as a favor to my wife. She hates watching it alone. As a good husband, I watch it with her; however, cognitively, I am in another world. “Artimis Fowl: He met Opal in the past--so why didn’t she recognize him? I know he has another book coming out, perhaps he explains it there. Anime is so much better than this. I am so glad Castle airs after this show. My wife looks so cute when she enjoys her shows. I wonder if she will like it when I get my Mythbuntu system set up so that she can record whatever she wants, or pause live TV to take care of the kids during the day. I bet I can even pipe it out to the garage; all it would take is drilling one hole-----WHAT!!!!!!! Did the host on Dancing with the Stars just tell that guy his wig looked like a TRIBBLE?!!?!?!?” That last comment drew a concerned look from my wife, which confused me until I realized I had said it out loud.

Asking her if she had heard what I said just caused more consternation. I thought she hadn’t heard me through my peals of laughter, but when I asked again after my fit of hysteria subsided I received the same response. She had NO idea what I was talking about and insisted I explain it on the next commercial break.

I reveled in the jumble of wonderful, useless, made-up facts that the word brought up in my mind. From Dr. McCoy: their purpose in life is to eat and give birth; they do both extremely well. Born pregnant. Ate all the grain. I postulated yet again how a creature of that design would affect a stoic biosphere such as a spaceship. I remembered that this creature made such a lasting impact that the new Star Trek movie released in the year 2009 featured a Tribble. I giggled to myself, still geeking out about it, drawing a “Shhhhh” from my wife.

The original Star Trek series epitomizes geekdom; it was the rise of the geek, and here it is being used as a reference on a show teeming with pop culture, the latest fashion, as well as a fan base that is mostly females which were born decades after this creature was introduced to the world by Gene Rodenberry. When I tried to explain this to my wife, she didn’t get it. I watched her expectantly, trying to contain my own bursts of mirth--all I got was “and...?” Realizing that I was one of about 100 people watching the show that got it just added to my revelry.

Tribbles are just one example out of many. Your amount of happiness you derive from such experiences, and how many you can have, depends on your geek factor. The geekier you are the more you see. The geekier you are the more humorous connections you make. Thus, happiness comes from being truly geeky and flaunting it, even in the unlikeliest places.

Hum your favorite hymn

I love Oreo's. I love Bacon. I love cars. These things make me normal. What may not be normal is my love of the failure of others. The other day I watched someone kill over 700 simulated people causing him to fail a test that is 50% of the grade for the entire course... *smile*. I witnessed a girl lose it during that same performance evaluation running from the radar lab and futilely attempting to stem the uncontrollable sobs of hysterical howling misery... *happiness*. This supports my anomalous factor... or does it?

This is an interesting psychological phenomenon. It does however provide convincing evidence of the truthfulness of my theory of life: Happiness is a desirable commodity, and like any other commodity you must gain it by appropriating it from one who possesses it already. Of course there are also ways of concocting happiness. This is done by adhering to happiness protocols found in happy places such as Church, Electronics stores, and carnivals. Another manafestation of these principles is the well known fact that insecure/unhappy people make fun of others; they do it in order to procure happiness that is not originally theirs. While this strategy is sometimes frowned upon by others "quicker, easier... more seductive it is." -Yoda

I would have to say that lately my ratio of production vs. pillage is about 50/50. I was finally able to get my truck running again by replacing the starter- 1 point light side. A crying girl made me smile- 2 points dark side. I have been putting increased effort into the successful magnification of my calling- 2 points light side. I watched this video 10 times and laughed hysterically each and every time (http://www.snotr.com/video/3157) - 1 point dark side. I ate bacon, I ridiculed a small boy... I'm sure you get the point (no pun intended), the battle is constant. Which is better? Light or Dark? This war is fought every day on multiple fronts, the hum of lightsabe... uh... the hum of happy children echoes over the battlefield. But what makes the happy humans hum?
Honestly, I don't care. I just like being happy whether I made it or stole it... it's mine now!

What does it mean to be American.

I sit next to Jon Eldredge in my #2 class, by #2 I mean my 2nd most boring class. This can be proven by examining the in-class activities of various class members during class. For example: Firstly I am in class now...
Second, As I glance to my left... Yup I see the familiar variety of firearms displayed on the Laptop of Jon Eldredge. Today it is the Taurus 1911, she is a beauty, the epitome of everything America stands for. What DOES America stand for you may ask? What an astute question. First of all any TRUE American wouldn't have to even ask. Just examine your Yankee self: when you see someone with a faster car than you what do you want? That is what it means to be American. When you watch a Rambo blow away the last bad guy and get the girl too what do YOU want to do? That is all-American baby! When the 2nd Grader sitting next to you named Alexandra has bigger scissors than you and loves rubbing it in what do you want to do? Although in some cases it may result in getting suspended from school for bringing scissors so large they are considered lethal weapons to school, it is what we are all about here in The U-S of A! Doing it bigger, better, and faster than the other guy. This requires bigger, better, and badder toys.
And that's not all, this only leads into what America is all about. A few nights ago family was locked into battle. A "Bloodbath" if you will. A free-for-all, Zerg vs. Protoss vs. Terran. I couldn't help myself. Whenever I had the opportunity to obliterate enemy forces I just had to jump in there. It wasn't until after someone quit in frustration that I realized... maybe I should have held back. I would like to think that had I thought of this earlier I would have allowed a few notable victories for my beleaguered oponents, but thoughts like those are likened to cheesy products like the sham-WOW, everyone knows they exist, but no-one really cares. The point is this: America likes winning. What do we like winning? I don't understand the question.
Every "American" activity that we enjoy boils down to winning. We like baseball? NO! We like WINNING in Baseball! Why do you think soccer has never become popular in America? Sledding? Last time I went sledding it almost broke my coxyx- 19' 6" baby! I tied the jump record! Next time you find yourself enjoying an activity stop and think, is this because I'm winning? or for another reason. I don't know what that reason would be, but I'm going on the assumption that there are people out there who enjoy other things- I really have no idea what. As for me, I'm all-American baby!

I love having the best toys! I live winning! I LOVE AMERICA!!!

What'd I do?

Men are simple creatures. We know that female is the opposite of male, and we see the evidence of that every day in almost all facets of our lives. It's sad, really, how well women understand us and how little we know about them... It's obvious that women understand men a lot better than we understand them. I mean, have you ever heard of a guy getting up and stomping off with the girl sitting on the couch yelling after him, "What'd I do?" Yeah, I didn't think so.

As much as I'd like to say that I wish women came with a manual on how to understand them, we all know that men never read manuals. They just keep plugging stuff in until something works. This is how we view life in general. If you tell a guy they can't do something, you're guaranteed that they will stop at nothing to prove you wrong(this doesn't apply to cleaning, leaving the toilet seat down, or any other useful activities).

Even though women understand us, they like to pretend that we're a lot more complicated than we really are. For instance they like to ask us, "what are you thinking about?" For those of you who really don't know what men think about, there is only a short list to choose from: 1. we're thinking about food. We're always hungry, and even when we're not, that doesn't mean we don't want to eat. Just remember, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... 2. violence. you see it all the time: sports, video games, friendly neighborhood killer wrestling deathmatches... Keep your flowers and scrapbooking, if you want to make a guy happy get him something violent. 3. Sex. If you didn't see that one coming, you're a... well, you should have seen it coming.

Now, there is a 4th option that never really gets mentioned. And I would argue that this is what guys think about at least 90% of the time: NOTHING. We're not thinking about anything! We're too lazy to spend all that time and energy thinking about stuff. I'm pretty sure you can't argue this one girls, and even if you could, why would you?

Which brings me back to my original point. Us guys don't even know what's up until the girl stomps off yelling at us, which finally kicks our brains in gear as we scramble to figure out what our hainus offence really was.

Guys don't get offended. And even if they do, after a few harsh words(or blows) things are back to normal. It's hard for guys to remember that they have to treat (and talk to) women vastly different than normal people(ie guys).

So in conclusion, let me appologize in advance for the whole male race, we don't know what we did, but I'm sure you can think of something. Women: don't be offended by anything that comes out of our mouth(or any other orifice), we didn't mean to offend you.

It's hard to be lazy!

Unlike the White lancer, I do not suffer from multiple personalities. Of course, maybe I would get more done if I had 2 other alter egos to share my work load... I, unfortunately, only have 'Busy Stephen'. There might have been more at some time, but 'Busy Stephen' most likely ate them while they were still in the womb.

Although I label myself a lazy person, 'Busy Stephen' tends to fill all my available time with various activities of differing enjoyment. For example: to be a full time student, one must take a minimum of 12 credits. For reasons unknown even to me, 'Busy Stephen' has decided to rise above the mediocrity of the masses, and shoot for a unfathomable 19 credits! Why you may ask?
("I wouldn't ask that.") that's good, cuz I don't know.

As busy as a person would be taking 19 credits, 'Busy Stephen' could never stop there. there is still unscheduled time that, of course, must be filled up with something. Enter Job #1. I work approximately 30 hours a week in the Machines Room. This is a kind of store room for teachers here on campus; I keep it running. I stock shelves, I help people with the behemoth we call a copier(approx. 7' long, with enough options to make a slide rule look like an abacus), and anything else my kind, lovely, generous and overwhelmingly gracious boss tells me to do.
Enter Job #2. Again, 'Busy Stephen' can still see several moments of my week that are not yet full, so a second job is procured: teaching gymnastics. In this job, I calmly and patiently try to teach a whole class of hyperactive children how to be rambunctious in a safe manner... I teach them how to scare their moms by flipping through the air and jumping off a variety of objects. Now, that's not technically what I teach them, but it should help you understand what the end result is.

I know that this sounds like a lot, but believe it or not, 'Busy Stephen's' only desire is to fill every minute of my schedule, so what did he do you may ask?("I wouldn't ask that.") He found several other activities to occupy my time, like: buying an '86 VW Jetta to work on, helping my friends log on the weekends, volunteering my extremely masculine self to help with a local ballet troupe, and going swing dancing every week. you know how it is... any ways, in the midst of all this, I find time to do my daily homework and study for upcoming tests(wink wink).

After all this, you would think that 'Busy Stephen' would lay off for a while, you know, figure a job well done now that there are no more things he could possibly cram into my schedule... But as all Martens know: a job worth doing, is worth doing well. So... He manages to shoe horn in a few more things, like starting up a barbershop quartet, and getting me nominated for the president of a club here on campus, and getting put in charge of the Winter Formal dance.

I really am a lazy person, but 'Busy Stephen' just never lets up! As a fellow conspirator once told me: "I never have any time when I'm with you!" It's true. 'Busy Stephen' never sleeps, and he never lets up, no matter where I am. I've learned to get a sick kind of enjoyment from my hazardous schedule, but concluded that one day, 'Busy Stephen' will end my ninja-like existence with the ever increasing ferocity of his planning. But knowing that while I am young and can still take it, I say "bring it!" I'm not old yet...