Sunday, December 20, 2009

What do I mean? I surely don't know!

I have felt very strange lately. I feel as if something very big is about to happen. Lately I have been feeling... emotions. While at work I see cute little girls run around the movie theater like little angels and I feel emotions. I watch a SPECTACULAR film and afterwards am speechless, and I feel emotions. I want something. I'm not even sure what it is, but I want it with everything that I am.
Is it childish to want to grow up and marry a princess? A beautiful and wild princess with an untamed and indomitable spirit? I want that anyway.
Is it selfish to want to do something big and important with my life? To do something that will make people see me as a man who matters? A man who is somebody? I want that too.
Is is wrong to want to love and be loved by everyone I meet? To be bound to comrades in a common sense of trial and accomplishment? I want that.
Yesterday I wrote. When I was asked a simple question many times answered, I did not write the answer. I wrote how I felt. The poor person on the other side of the chat most likely gained nothing from the seemingly unending ramblings of the mind of Caleb. Not so on my end. There is something big coming, and I'm not going to be ready.
When will my princess come? Would she notice me if she came soon? I hope so.
When will I be given an extra-ordinary task to accomplish? Will I be found wanting when it does come? I hope not.
I feel. I like it... and I don't.

2 comments:

Kuna said...

weird, what's it like to feel? I'm sure one of these days I'll figure it out. In the mean time, I hope that the 'something big' is a good something.

Kevineb said...

"Good morning, Worm your honor.
The crown will plainly show
The prisoner who now stands before you
Was caught red-handed showing feelings
Showing feelings of an almost human nature;
This will not do."

The Trial
Pink Floyd