What does it mean to be American.

I sit next to Jon Eldredge in my #2 class, by #2 I mean my 2nd most boring class. This can be proven by examining the in-class activities of various class members during class. For example: Firstly I am in class now...
Second, As I glance to my left... Yup I see the familiar variety of firearms displayed on the Laptop of Jon Eldredge. Today it is the Taurus 1911, she is a beauty, the epitome of everything America stands for. What DOES America stand for you may ask? What an astute question. First of all any TRUE American wouldn't have to even ask. Just examine your Yankee self: when you see someone with a faster car than you what do you want? That is what it means to be American. When you watch a Rambo blow away the last bad guy and get the girl too what do YOU want to do? That is all-American baby! When the 2nd Grader sitting next to you named Alexandra has bigger scissors than you and loves rubbing it in what do you want to do? Although in some cases it may result in getting suspended from school for bringing scissors so large they are considered lethal weapons to school, it is what we are all about here in The U-S of A! Doing it bigger, better, and faster than the other guy. This requires bigger, better, and badder toys.
And that's not all, this only leads into what America is all about. A few nights ago family was locked into battle. A "Bloodbath" if you will. A free-for-all, Zerg vs. Protoss vs. Terran. I couldn't help myself. Whenever I had the opportunity to obliterate enemy forces I just had to jump in there. It wasn't until after someone quit in frustration that I realized... maybe I should have held back. I would like to think that had I thought of this earlier I would have allowed a few notable victories for my beleaguered oponents, but thoughts like those are likened to cheesy products like the sham-WOW, everyone knows they exist, but no-one really cares. The point is this: America likes winning. What do we like winning? I don't understand the question.
Every "American" activity that we enjoy boils down to winning. We like baseball? NO! We like WINNING in Baseball! Why do you think soccer has never become popular in America? Sledding? Last time I went sledding it almost broke my coxyx- 19' 6" baby! I tied the jump record! Next time you find yourself enjoying an activity stop and think, is this because I'm winning? or for another reason. I don't know what that reason would be, but I'm going on the assumption that there are people out there who enjoy other things- I really have no idea what. As for me, I'm all-American baby!

I love having the best toys! I live winning! I LOVE AMERICA!!!